~fpants / March 8, 2020

RE: 2020 Q2 OKRs

Yes? I have something.
I’ve been thinking.
Instead of approving these OKRs
about increasing user engagement
ten thousand percent
and repositioning our brand
for “Create a Sense of Wonder 3.0” —
how about we move to a cabin
beyond the deep forest
across a wide river
surrounded by a desert
on top of a mountain
protected by a moat
and make friends with a bear.
Or a badger.
And just live like that for a while,
see what’s it like?
We could always come back here if we wanted,
take the elevator
return to this conference room
(or one just as big)
reschedule this call
for whatever time is good for you.
Yes? Yes, that’s a good point.
If we left this whiteboard behind,
we’d have to learn how to
build a fire
find water
irrigate
harness the sun for food and power
fix a boiler.
And, of course, we’d each have to get
our own cabins
on our own mountains
surrounded by a desert
for it to really work the way I imagined it.
But anyway.
Just an idea.
Let’s think about it.
I think there might be something there.

~fpants / November 5, 2014

GOD OF WATER

What if God is water —
He's gonna be pissed about how much
I just wasted zoning out in the shower.
What if God is a banana god
And He resents me for all the ones I've eaten
And all the ones I let rot.
What if God is meaner than Santa Claus
And turns our souls into something worse than coal.
What if God is a duck.
We could make all this into a book or a song,
A meeting, one day a week,
A celebration of doom, the last date in our calendars.
I don't have any evidence one way or another
But I do believe in the miracle of indoor plumbing —
A toilet that swooshes my badness into a hole
And out to the ocean.
And I have just enough faith
To fear all of this.